


Fight of His Life

by risty234



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Gen, Kim Namjoon | RM-centric, Leukemia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23957560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risty234/pseuds/risty234
Summary: "Namjoon, you know with your history, we need to check for it.""I know." Namjoon said while staring forward across from the doctor he knew his entire life. He didn't plan on enjoying his break in a hospital room but Namjoon couldn't afford it this time."Did you tell anyone?""I can't until I know for sure. I don't want to worry them.""Namjoon, these symptoms are so intense and I think you know."It was a week before the world tour of BTS was set to begin.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 131





	1. WEEK 1: DAY 0

Namjoon sat in a hospital gown patting his legs while fiddling his hands. Namjoon was glancing around the hospital room while looking at his arms that were covered with bruises. He needed to be healthy, this was a routine check up. Namjoon's nose was dripping. He felt the wetness before wiping his nose with his own hands. The doctor came back into the room and sat across from Namjoon. The doctor sighed while looking at Namjoon. 

"Namjoon, you know with your history, we need to check for it." 

"I know." Namjoon said while staring forward across from the doctor he knew his entire life. He didn't plan on enjoying his break in a hospital room but Namjoon couldn't afford it this time. 

"Did you tell anyone?" 

"I can't until I know for sure. I don't want to worry them." 

"Namjoon, these symptoms are so intense and I think you know." 

"Run the tests Dr. Shin." Namjoon smiled at him. Dr. Shin nodded before leaving the hospital room. Dr. Shin came back into a room ready to take a blood sample. Once the doctor got the blood sample, she handed it off to the nurse next to her. 

She sat across from Namjoon once again before standing up to examine his whole body. She touched Namjoon lymph nodes to feel if it was swollen. Namjoon's face was pale and ARMY had noticed it for awhile that's why Namjoon turned down during v-lives with any of BTS members. 

He hated worrying the ARMY. 

"Okay so you do have enlarged lymph nodes and I do have a blood sample to test. If they are any abnormals on your red blood cells then we going have to do a-" 

"Bone marrow test." 

"I know, I've been through this before." 

Namjoon clasped his hands together. 

"I want to see you back in 3 days Namjoon. I'll call you." Dr. Shin told Namjoon and Namjoon put on his clothes and he slowly got up from the hospital bed with the help of Dr. Shin. 

She made a note about the fatigue that Namjoon was having. He walked slowly out of the hospital and he went back to the dorm. As soon as he entered the dorm, he went straight to his room and fell asleep in his bed. 

Namjoon heard knocking on his door and the door opened slowly. Namjoon slowly opened his eyes to see it was Jin. Jin walked over and touched Namjoon's forehead and pulled away quickly. 

"Shit...Namjoon, you have a fever. Are you okay?" 

"It's the flu probably nothing to worry about." Namjoon mumbled while he closed his eyes once more trying to get some sleep. Jin walked to the bathroom and wiped Namjoon's forehead with a cold towel. Namjoon sighed in content. 

Jin walked back to the living room where the remaining members were playing games, eating or sleeping. Jin sighed. 

"Is everything okay?" 

"Namjoon has a fever." 

"Isn't that like his 3rd one this month." Jimin commented looking away from the game he was playing with Tae and JK. 

"Yeah, Namjoon says it's the flu." 

"That's bullshit." Yoongi opened his eyes before looking at the rest of the members. "We should take him to the hospital." 

Namjoon got up from his bed and entered the living room and that's when everyone got quiet in that moment. Namjoon shirt hung off his body and Jimin couldn't help but stare at the leader of BTS who looked so much skinnier than Jimin ever was. Namjoon stumbled and had to lean on Jin to go over to the couch. Jimin walked over to Namjoon and placed his hand on Namjoon's leg. 

"Namjoon, you okay?" 

"Yeah tired is all." Namjoon laid his head on Jin's shoulder before dozing off. 

The next three days were spent with Namjoon sleeping and lounging around. He couldn't focus on creating the next album or even writing lyrics. Namjoon's head was constantly hoping. 

Namjoon couldn't even walk fully. He was tired but he needed to go see Dr. Shin. All the members were gone and that's how Sejin found himself in the hospital waiting room while Namjoon was getting looked at. 

"Namjoon, I'm sure that you have a relapse base on those bloods cells but today we need to do the bone marrow test to confirm it." Dr. Shin placed her hand on Namjoon. Namjoon gasped in shock. 

He had a feeling. Namjoon was heading to the operating room where he was still awake while they did. Dr. Shin completed the bone marrow test and she placed a bandage on Namjoon's side. 

Namjoon sat up in his bed after the bone marrow. 

"Namjoon, i hope to get your results in at least three days but it's looking like it's back." Dr. Shin looked sad. 

Namjoon headed towards the waiting room where Sejin was sitting with a book. He got up from the seat and Sejin drove Namjoon back to the dorms. Namjoon was about to leave but Sejin stopped him. 

"Joon, what's going on?" 

"I don't want to tell anyone till I know the results but it looks bad Sejin. Really bad." Namjoon confessed and he left the car door and he entered the dorm. The boys were still not back. 

At the end of the week Namjoon got a call and he felt anxiety all over. He was in the living room watching movies and he picked the phone up. He answered it. 

"Hello" 

The boys put the movie on paused listening into the conversation with Namjoon. 

"Namjoon, I'm so sorry to say this but your cancer is back. Your Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is back." Dr. Shin diagnosed to Namjoon and Namjoon felt his head. "I would like to meet with you in the office in the next couple days so that way we can plan a course of action for this cancer." 

Namjoon bit his lip and he confirmed his next appts. No one said anything while Namjoon placed his head in his hands. 

"Rapmon." Jk voice made Namjoon looked up. Namjoon knew. 

"That was my doctor, I have cancer."


	2. WEEK 1: DAY 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin pressed play and everyone was back to their room after the movie was done leaving Namjoon all alone on the couch. Namjoon felt the tears and he let out a quiet sob while his shoulders shook. Namjoon was afraid. Namjoon was scared over what this cancer would do to him. Last time, it was a long battle for him. 
> 
> Jin saw Namjoon sob from the doorframe and Jin quickly wrapped Namjoon into a hug. Namjoon sobbed in Jin's arms and Jin felt his own tears leaking out. Jin rubbed Namjoon's hair. 
> 
> Namjoon pulled away from Jin and grabbed Jin's shoulder. "I need you guys to go on tour." 
> 
> "Namjoon, you can't ask us to do that. BTS isn't BTS without you." 
> 
> "Please, ARMY paid their tickets, they even waited for BTS to go to their countries. We can't let them down." 
> 
> "ARMY will understand." Jin tried to convince Namjoon. 
> 
> "Please Jin, I don't want Jungkook, Tae or Jimin to see me fall apart. I will fall apart. This cancer will change me. I won't be their strong leader anymore." Namjoon bit his lip to try to stop from sobbing but tears were falling quickly and Namjoon wasn't wiping them away

"Cancer." 

"Yeah Cancer, Jk." Namjoon pushed his hair back. The tv was still on mute. 

"What happens now?" Yoongi sighed while no one was saying anything. 

"I don't know. It's going to take everything in me." Namjoon shook his head while he clenched his hands together. Jimin grabbed Namjoon's hands tightly but Jimin was holding in his tears. 

"That means the tour is done for me." Namjoon sighed while shaking his head once more. 

"You're going to be okay though." JK voiced waivered over it. JK never had met someone who had cancer. JK was lucky in fact all of the boys were but now their precious leader had to fight for his life. It wasn't fair at all. 

"Yeah, I'm strong." Namjoon told them while smiling slightly. "Now turn the movie back on." 

Jin pressed play and everyone was back to their room after the movie was done leaving Namjoon all alone on the couch. Namjoon felt the tears and he let out a quiet sob while his shoulders shook. Namjoon was afraid. Namjoon was scared over what this cancer would do to him. Last time, it was a long battle for him. 

Jin saw Namjoon sob from the doorframe and Jin quickly wrapped Namjoon into a hug. Namjoon sobbed in Jin's arms and Jin felt his own tears leaking out. Jin rubbed Namjoon's hair. 

Namjoon pulled away from Jin and grabbed Jin's shoulder. "I need you guys to go on tour." 

"Namjoon, you can't ask us to do that. BTS isn't BTS without you." 

"Please, ARMY paid their tickets, they even waited for BTS to go to their countries. We can't let them down." 

"ARMY will understand." Jin tried to convince Namjoon. 

"Please Jin, I don't want Jungkook, Tae or Jimin to see me fall apart. I will fall apart. This cancer will change me. I won't be their strong leader anymore." Namjoon bit his lip to try to stop from sobbing but tears were falling quickly and Namjoon wasn't wiping them away. 

"You will always be our strong leader no matter what." 

Jin hugged Namjoon leaving Namjoon in the bed. 

It was in the morning where Namjoon grabbed his coat and a hat. Namjoon didn't want any of the members to come with him to the hospital. Namjoon entered the hospital and checked in. He was bouncing his knees up and down. Namjoon looked around the oncologist area where he saw multiple people look at him up and down. Namjoon knew they recognized him instantly but they left him alone. 

"Namjoon." Dr. Shin greeted him with a small smile with a folder in her hands. Namjoon and her went back to her office. Namjoon sat across from her. 

"How bad?" 

"Namjoon." 

"How bad? Like am i going to die." 

"No, we caught it early. We can beat this like last time. We do a more aggressive treatment plan with radiation and chemotherapy at the same time. You are not going to die." Dr. Shin placed her hands on Namjoon's. 

"Do we have a timeline?" 

"Namjoon, I can't give you a timeline." 

"Is the treatment going to be long like my last one." 

"It might be longer since it has come back more aggressive. People who get cancer again with the same type treatment might be longer than the first treatment." Dr. Shin informed Namjoon. 

"When do I start?" 

"I scheduled you for chemo tomorrow. You will need someone to take you from the hospital to home." 

"I know." 

Namjoon sighed while walking towards Big Hit. He sighed before opening the door and he knocked on Bang's office door. He knew Sejin would also be in there. 

"Come in." 

"Namjoon, I didn't think you were coming early. The meeting isn't till later." 

Namjoon was nervous, actually he was terrified. His hands shook and he could feel blood dripping from his nose. He put his hand over his nose. Bang handed him a tissue and Namjoon sat across from Bang and Sejin. 

"I have been sick for awhile during the break." 

"You have a cold or did you have the flu. You seem fine." 

Fine, that's what people thought of Namjoon Kim when he was 13 years old but fine was far from healthy. 

Namjoon opened his mouth and closed it. Bang raised an eyebrow up at Namjoon. 

"I have leukemia." Namjoon whispered so quietly that only Sejin heard him. 

"Leukemia." 

"Yeah, they confirmed it yesterday. They want me on chemo and radiation. It's going to be hell. I can't go on tour." Namjoon covered his mouth as tears clouded up his vision. Namjoon could beat this but deep inside he knew that there was a 50% chance he could survive or die. Last time he barely got in remission. 

"Namjoon, what do you want us to do for you?" 

"They have to go on tour. Jin, Yoongi and everyone is going to argue for them not to go on tour but we can't let our fans down." 

"You are more important and the fans will understand." 

"I'm not going to be okay while on chemo. I'm going to be throwing up and losing my hair and it's not pretty dealing with someone with cancer." Namjoon blabbered on. 

"I don't care. We are postponing the tour until you get better and you are in remission. You know how stubborn those boys are and we are not going to argue with them." Sejin stated and Bang agreed. 

Namjoon nodded and walked out of the office still holding the tissue on his nose to stop the blood from staining his clothes. Namjoon had a pamphlet in his hands about cancer survivors. Namjoon didn't want to tell his parents but he knew he had to. 

He opened the dorm and he saw all of the members standing up. Hobi hugged him tight and Namjoon wrapped his arms around Hobi slowly. 

"We are not going anyway and you can't force us to." Hobi muttered in his brother/leader's ear. Namjoon sighed but laid his head on Hobi's shoulder. 

All of them were back on the couch. 

"It's called Acute lymphoblastic leukemia." 

"What does that mean?" Tae said quietly. Namjoon turned towards him. 

"It's a blood cancer. The leukemia started in my white blood cells and it affects my bone marrow." 

"Oh." 

"I will be fine, it's aggressive guys and I'm going to be miserable and I might take it out on you." 

"There’s nothing you can do to make us walk away from this Joonie. You are our brother." Jin spoke up while everyone nodded agreeing with Jin full heartedly. 

“You stuck with us.” Yoongi smiled at Namjoon. 

Namjoon couldn’t tell them he was terrified. Namjoon couldn’t tell them how quickly ALL progress into other body parts. Namjoon couldn’t tell them that he had leukemia before because that would terrify all of the members. Lastly Namjoon couldn’t tell them that it took 1 and ½ before he went into remission. Namjoon knew that a relapse in cancer meant less survival but Namjoon wouldn’t dare speak those words to his brothers. Namjoon would never tell them any of that if he can help it. 


	3. WEEK 1: DAY 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hi." A girl with a black hair and she was so young. She had been missing two front teeth. Namjoon gave her a small smile. 
> 
> "I'm Sadie." 
> 
> "Nice to meet you Sadie." Namjoon took the little girl's hand with a smile. 
> 
> "I love BTS." Sadie beamed up at Namjoon. Namjoon couldn't help but keep the smile on his face. 
> 
> "Thank you." 
> 
> "Can I have an autograph?" Sadie asked while looking down at her blanket. 
> 
> "Leave the boy alone Sadie." A woman came bursting into the room with a juice box. 
> 
> "But mama." 
> 
> "He's getting treatment." 

Namjoon had asked Jin to come with him to his very first chemo session. He couldn't ask any of the other members. He knew Jin could keep in his emotions at least for the very first visit. Jin had a notebook with him. Namjoon raised an eyebrow. 

"What?" 

"Why do you have that?" 

"I have questions for your doctor." 

"That's not necessary." 

"Yes it is. Namjoon, you are sick which means I need to know what to do." Jin huffed out and Namjoon shook his head while Jin opened the door to let Namjoon through it. 

Namjoon checked himself in. Namjoon was taken back to the room where treatment was being dished out. Namjoon sat down in a chair while an IV was placed into his arms. Jin stood back watching Namjoon take out a magazine. 

"Namjoon, how are you feeling?" 

"Okay as usual." 

"That's good. I see you brought someone." Dr. Shin smiled at Jin. Jin shook her hand with a smile. 

"I'm Jin, Namjoon's bandmate." 

"Nice to meet you." 

"Jin, you can leave. You don't have to wait for me." 

"Namjoon." 

"He's right sir. Chemo sessions last two hours and I'm sure you have somewhere to be." Dr. Shin told Jin before patting Namjoon's shoulder and urging Jin to leave the area so Namjoon could focus. Namjoon took out a book. He was prepared for the treatment. He had a bag ready for his chemo sessions. 

Jin sighed while watching Namjoon look relax. Dr. Shin placed her hand on his shoulder. 

"You have questions." 

"I want to be able to take care of him when he's done with chemo." 

"Chemo has strong side effects." 

"Like what?" Jin looked away from the window that showed Namjoon. 

"fatigue, hair loss, easy bruising and bleeding, infection, nausea and vomiting, appetite changes and constipation." Dr. Shin listed the side effects with no hesitation. 

"So what do I do?" 

"You be there. That's all you can do. Jin you are doing what is needed for a cancer patient. Now you go and do what you need to do. I will see you in two hours." Dr. Shin walked away from Jin. Namjoon looked up and waved at Jin with a small smile. Jin walked away and left the hospital. 

Namjoon placed the book down while closing his eyes. He looked around the room to see at least ten people in the treatment room of the hospital. More females than males. 

"Hi." A girl with a black hair and she was so young. She had been missing two front teeth. Namjoon gave her a small smile. 

"I'm Sadie." 

"Nice to meet you Sadie." Namjoon took the little girl's hand with a smile. 

"I love BTS." Sadie beamed up at Namjoon. Namjoon couldn't help but keep the smile on his face. 

"Thank you." 

"Can I have an autograph?" Sadie asked while looking down at her blanket. 

"Leave the boy alone Sadie." A woman came bursting into the room with a juice box. 

"But mama." 

"He's getting treatment." 

"Sure Sadie, you can have an autograph." Namjoon took a piece of paper before signing it and handing it to the little girl who was now smiling so hugely at Namjoon. Namjoon hated the thought of making ARMY upset and this girl was sick the least he could do was give her an autograph. The woman gave Namjoon a soft smile. Sadie's mother put the autograph in her bag. Sadie started dozing off in her sleep. 

"Thank you." 

"No problem. She seems like an amazing girl." 

"Yeah she is." Sadie's mom smiled. "I'm Devyn." She shook Namjoon's hands. Namjoon nodded. 

"Namjoon." 

"I know, Sadie is such a big fan of BTS." Devyn looked at her daughter sleeping. Devyn pushed her daughter's hair up. Namjoon went back to his book. Dr. Shin came back into the room to check on her patients. Dr. Shin checked on Sadie before unhooking the IV drip and Devyn picked her daughter up in her hands. Devyn said bye to Namjoon with a smile placed on her face. 

Namjoon couldn't help but feel his heart ache from knowing this little girl was going to have a fight of her life. 

"I see you met a friend." 

"She's adorable." 

"Yeah she is. She's been sick since she was nine. in and out of hospitals." Dr. Shin sighed while shaking her head. 

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Shin handed him some water to drink and Namjoon took the bottle of water and drank it slowly. Time seemed to speed up. It was at the end of his chemotherapy. 

"I'm good so far." Dr. Shin removed the IV from Namjoon's arm. Namjoon slowly got up almost stumbling and that's when Namjoon had to lean on Dr. Shin. Dr. Shin led Namjoon to a wheelchair. "We going to start on the radiation therapy." 

Namjoon sighed while he was being wheeled to the radiation therapy area. Dr. Shin helped Namjoon up on the bed. Namjoon radiation therapy was done in 30 minutes. Namjoon was beyond exhausted. Dr. Shin helped Namjoon into the wheelchair. She took him back to where Jin was waiting for Namjoon. 

"He's tired and he might be nauseous for the rest of the evening." Dr. Shin informed Jin. 

Jin and Dr. Shin led Namjoon into Jin's car. Dr. Shin smiled at Jin. Jin started the car up driving them back to the dorms. Namjoon was knocked out asleep. Jin sighed while he tried to shake Namjoon awake. 

"Hey Joonie, we home." Jin muttered to Namjoon and Namjoon woke up slightly before trying to get out off the car but he was heavily leaning on Jin which wasn't a problem. Namjoon lost a lot of weight. Jin opened the door to their dorm. Everyone glanced at Namjoon and Jin with shock. Jin put his hand up before placing Namjoon on the bed and placing a trash can next to Namjoon. 

"Is he okay?" 

"Chemotherapy will take a lot of energy and plus radiation too. Namjoon is going to be exhausted for awhile." Jin informed everyone in the group. 

"Does his parents know?" Jimin asked. No one said anything. 

"It's Namjoon's health. It's up to Namjoon to tell his parents." Jin said before starting lunch. 

"I hate seeing him this way." Tae mumbled. 

"Guys, we need to be strong for Namjoon. We all hate seeing him sick but this is what chemo and radiation does but it's what needed to get Namjoon back to being healthy." Jin told them before drinking some water. Jin quickly placed multiple bottles of water in Namjoon's room. 

No one was going to disturb Namjoon from getting his rest. Namjoon had his cell phone in his hands and dialed a number. 

"Mom." 

"Namjoon, what's going on?" 

"I have some news." 

Namjoon took a deep breathe. 


	4. WEEK 1: DAY 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Joonie." 
> 
> "They want me to go into the hospital." 
> 
> "You mean move in." 
> 
> "Yeah, it would be better for me and my health." 
> 
> Jungkook sighed before walking out of the room. Hobi ran after Jungkook. Hobi stopped him. Jungkook had tears down his cheeks and Hobi hugged him tight. 
> 
> "He doesn't look like Namjoon anymore. He's so skinny and now we won't see him at home." Jungkook sobbed into Hobi's arms. Hobi felt tears slip through his eyes. Hobi was scared and he was trying to be BTS sunshine. 

It took a couple minutes or it seemed like forever when Namjoon stopped his mother from sobbing. Namjoon didn't want his mother coming all the way down to Seoul just for him. Seoul wasn't his parents home and Namjoon wasn't going to force his mother to be in Seoul. Namjoon held the trash can in his hands gagging and throwing up when he heard a soft knock on his bedroom door. The door turned open and it was JK peeping his head in. Jk sat down on the bed next to Namjoon. He rubbed Namjoon's back while looking away. Jungkook was always sensitive over throwing up, the smell and the look of it but Jungkook wanted to be there for Namjoon. 

"Jin wanted to know if you are up for eating." 

Namjoon lifted his head up from the trash can before shaking his head. "I don't think I can keep anything done." 

"Jin is making some soup if you could try." Jungkook said while grabbing the trash can while Namjoon laid back down on the bed. Namjoon nodded. 

Jungkook dumped the trash can down in the toilet before washing the trash can out to give back to Namjoon. Namjoon got up from the bed while reaching for a blanket. Jungkook placed the trash can back with Namjoon. 

"Namjoon, you don't need to..." 

"I want to get up. I want to hang out with the rest of you guys." Namjoon looked at Jungkook. Jungkook immediately grabbed hold of Namjoon before he could fall flat on his face. Both members walked towards the living room to see that everyone was sitting at the table eating the food that Jin had prepared. Namjoon sat down with the help of Jungkook. Jin placed the bowl in front of Namjoon and Namjoon picked up his spoon slowly while his hands shook slightly. Namjoon side effects were now in full effect because the dosage of the chemo and radiation was higher than last time. 

All of the members looked down at their plates trying to avoid seeing their leader's side effects come alive. Jin hated seeing Namjoon that way. Namjoon could barely eat the whole bowl and he couldn't help but feel guilty for not eating everything. He only ate a third of the food. 

They all moved to the actual living room where they were watching films. Namjoon couldn't help but lay his head on Jimin's shoulder while his eyes closed shut and soon enough Namjoon was fast asleep on Jimin's shoulder. Snoring filled the room. 

"I can't take Namjoon to chemo." Jin announced to the members. "Who wants to drop him off and who wants to pick him up?" 

"Well, I don't have anything to do." Jungkook mentioned all the members but Jin gave him a look. "What?" 

"It's just that chemo is rough and the people who get treatment in that center are..." Jin looked at Yoongi for some advice with words. 

"It's sad, Jungkook, is really sad. We don't know if you want to see that yet." 

"You don't think I can handle it." 

"Kookie, Namjoon is your role model. Are you able to see him be sick and have an iv attached to his body and see his body get weaker and weaker." Jin told Jungkook. 

"I can come with Kookie, I don't have anything." Hobi stepped up to the plate after biting his lip. 

"Okay." Jin smiled. All of the members wanted to be there but Yoongi had his next mixtape he needed to work on and then there was Jimin who wanted to learn more producing from Yoongi and lastly Tae was busy starting his acting schedule. 

Tae didn't want to act but Namjoon encouraged him to do so. 

The next morning, Hobi and Jk both were drinking coffee to wake up. Namjoon got up and put on a pair of sweats and glasses on. He was shocked to see both Hobi and Jk all ready to go. 

"Ready." Jk asked. 

Namjoon was now sitting in his usual chair while the nurse put the IV into his arm. Namjoon had his signature bag and next to him was Sadie and her mom Devyn. Devyn smiled at Namjoon. 

"Welcome back." She smiled at Namjoon. 

"Hey Devyn, these are my bandmates Hobi and Jungkook." Namjoon greeted her while seeing that little Sadie was sleeping soundly. "How is she?" 

"Okay." Devyn pushed hair into a ponytail. 

"Guys this is Sadie. She's an army." He told the two boys. The two looked at each other while sighing. They both got a piece of paper to sign an autograph for her. They handed the piece of paper to Devyn. She smiled at the two boys before looking over at Namjoon. 

"Can you watch her for a few moments while I get something to drink?" Devyn smiled at Namjoon and Namjoon nodded. Devyn walked away from the chemo room and Hobi raised an eyebrow up at him. 

"What?" 

"You like her." 

"Yeah she's nice." 

"No Hobi means you have a crush on her." Jungkook smiled while he took out a sketchpad. 

"You know you don't have to stay here." Namjoon explained to them. 

"Sorry but i need your advice on some lyrics." Hobi took out his journal and handed his book to ask Namjoon some questions.

“I barely know the girl.” Namjoon rubbed the head while he looked over at Sadie who he knew was possibly going to die from cancer even before she was a teenager. 

“But you want to.” 

“I can’t be with someone especially now. Look we met at a hospital while her daughter is having chemo and me having chemo.” Namjoon sighed while looking at the IV drip. Dr. Shin came into the room shocked that both JK and Hobi were still there. 

“I tried but they were both stubborn.” Namjoon laughed. Dr. Shin smiled at the two before asking them to leave. Dr. Shin sat next to him while checking his lymph nodes with a smile. 

“I want to make sure that after two weeks of chemo and radiation. I want to check if it is working but Namjoon, we need to put you into the hospital ward where all the leukemia patients are.” 

“But, I don’t want to go back into the hospital.” 

“Namjoon we just started chemo and you are showing some sign of infection and leukemia patients are more susceptible of infections and you home is not germ free. I already have a room signed for you and I suggests you ask your buddies to pack some clothes for you." Dr. Shin patted Namjoon's knees before leaving the chemo treatment room. 

"No, I will pack for myself." 

Namjoon sighed while leaning his head against the chair. Hobi and Jungkook came back into the room with apple juice. Devyn grabbed Namjoon's hand but pulled away as soon as she saw the two members back into the room. 

"Joonie." 

"They want me to go into the hospital." 

"You mean move in." 

"Yeah, it would be better for me and my health." 

Jungkook sighed before walking out of the room. Hobi ran after Jungkook. Hobi stopped him. Jungkook had tears down his cheeks and Hobi hugged him tight. 

"He doesn't look like Namjoon anymore. He's so skinny and now we won't see him at home." Jungkook sobbed into Hobi's arms. Hobi felt tears slip through his eyes. Hobi was scared and he was trying to be BTS sunshine. 

Namjoon finished up his chemo session and then he was off to radiation. The members drove in silence and as soon as Namjoon stepped through the house, Hobi helped him into his room. He took out his travel suitcase and opened it. Namjoon sat on his bed with his head in his hands. Hobi hugged Namjoon tight and Hobi saw the door was being gathered by his brothers. They all looked concerned. Hobi didn't want Namjoon to hold in his emotions just because he was the leader of the group. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon will move into the hospital next chapter will be about Namjoon moving into the hospital room. Don't worry, I have a plan of Namjoon telling ARMY's what's going on later. I might do a time skip or not. I also do plan on doing journal entries of Namjoon experience. Each chapter will be day ____ of chemo treatment.


	5. WEEK 1: DAY 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're going to tell me to be strong.” 
> 
> “Nope but I’m telling you that I spoke to Dr. Shin and she said most cancer patients want their room to remind them of their own homes. All of us are planning on going to the hospital to decorate his room.” Yoongi got up from his seat and was about to leave the room. “You can come or stay here and feel sorry for yourself even though you are not the one dealing with cancer.” 
> 
> Jungkook bit his lip before grabbing his jacket and before he walked out to the living room. Bang and Sejin weren't there anymore. 
> 
> The boys drove to the hospital with numerous items in their hands. They had lights that changed color and numerous pictures put up on the walls. It also held some of the letters that the Army wrote to Namjoon. 

_ Day 3  _

_ This sucks...I’m stuck in a hospital room throwing up after chemo. It’s a drag. I guess it’s for my health. I can’t bear the thought of seeing myself weak. I was always strong. I want my parents but at the same time I don’t want them to see me weak. They have been through enough.  _

Namjoon packed his suitcase once Hobi let go of his hug. He tried to move the suitcase but it was too heavy for him so now Jin was rolling it. All of the members got into the car and dropped Namjoon at the hospital entrance where he met with Dr. Shin and her team. They guide Namjoon to the cancer ward. Jungkook stood in the back with Jimin wrapping his arms around the maknae. 

Dr. Shin opened the door to the hospital room which contained Namjoon’s name. Room 234 and next to him contained room 233 which was Sadie’s room. Namjoon brushed his hair back and sighed. Namjoon was going to miss his hair so much. Namjoon placed his bag into the hospital room. All the members looked around the room. 

“At least you have a view of the outside.” Jin mentioned as Namjoon sat down on the bed. Yoongi didn’t say anything. It was getting late and Tae still had filming to do early in the morning so each of the maknae said their goodbyes to their leader. 

It would be the first time in years that Namjoon wasn’t surrounded by his brothers. It would be beyond strange for him but as he settled into his room. He was so tired that he could barely keep his eyes open. 

The sun hit his face once again and Namjoon groaned while taking his phone off the nightstand that was next to his bed. He heard a knock on the door and there stood a nurse with a smile on her face. 

“I came to check on your health.” The nurse came into the room while checking his temp, fluids and handed Namjoon a cup of water to drink. He was shocked to see Devyn standing in the doorway. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey, yourself.” 

“New to this place.” Devyn chuckled and Namjoon couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“How’s Sadie?” 

“She’s happy that she got the signature from Jungkook and J-Hope. She’s now determined to get the rest of BTS signature.” 

“I will make that happen.” 

“She’s happy that you are here.” Devyn said while sitting on the end of the bed. Namjoon nodded and sighed. 

“So...how sick are you?” 

“I had leukemia before so I guess you can say that I am dealing with a relapse. I wouldn’t and can’t tell my friends that.” 

“If you want you can tell me anything, i’m a good listener.” Devyn grabbed Namjoon’s hand before leaving Namjoon’s room. 

Dr. Shin came into the room and looked at Namjoon’s chart as usual. “So, how did you sleep?” 

“Fine.” 

“Anyway, I got you this journal so you can write your thoughts out and talk about your experience here at the hospital.” 

“You want me to write about me having cancer because you think what...that this is going to make me feel better. Dr. Shin this is my second time with cancer, this is hard as hell and writing isn’t going to change anything now is it.” Namjoon snapped while pushing the notebook down. 

“Chemo still at the usual time and then we have radiation therapy.” Dr. Shin left Namjoon all alone and with that Namjoon grabbed his journal and a pen. Namjoon sighed while leaning against the bedroom wall. 

Meanwhile: 

No one would dare to turn on the tv, they were consumed with worry and thoughts. The doorbell rang and Jin got up from the couch. He opened it to see it was Bang and Sejin. Jin allowed the two of them entered the dorm. 

They all sat in silence not saying anything. Everyone didn’t know how to deal with it. It was one thing seeing Namjoon sick but being admitted to the hospital made it seem much more real. 

“Boys.” 

They all turned to stare at their manager not saying anything. 

“We have been too quiet. Armys wants to know what is going on. We have to say something.” 

“Not without Namjoon’s approval. It should be up to Namjoon to decide what he wants to tell the Army.” Jin spoke up quickly and everyone agreed. “Army can wait.” 

“Boys, I know it’s scary but Namjoon will be fine.” 

“Did you know he moved into the hospital last night because if we get sick, it could severely harm him. We could cause pain in him.” Jungkook stated and everyone's eyes went wide. Jungkook was quiet usually but Jungkook left the living room and entered his bedroom door and closed it no rather slammed it shut. 

Jungkook missed Namjoon so much. It was weird to say he missed Namjoon snoring, he missed Namjoon’s clumsiness. Yoongi sat down across from Jungkook, he didn’t say anything but stared at Jungkook. 

“You're going to tell me to be strong.” 

“Nope but I’m telling you that I spoke to Dr. Shin and she said most cancer patients want their room to remind them of their own homes. All of us are planning on going to the hospital to decorate his room.” Yoongi got up from his seat and was about to leave the room. “You can come or stay here and feel sorry for yourself even though you are not the one dealing with cancer.” 

Jungkook bit his lip before grabbing his jacket and before he walked out to the living room. Bang and Sejin weren't there anymore. 

The boys drove to the hospital with numerous items in their hands. They had lights that changed color and numerous pictures put up on the walls. It also held some of the letters that the Army wrote to Namjoon. 

Namjoon entered the room with the nurse in a wheelchair. Namjoon looked at his brothers with shock. 

“Wow.” 

“It’s nothing.” 

Namjoon got up from the wheelchair and pulled all of the members into a hug even Yoongi. 

“Thank you.” Namjoon was placed into his bed while his hair was the natural hair color. 

_ Day 3  _

_ My bandmates/brothers made my room feel more like home. They are amazing.  _


	6. WEEK 2: DAY 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon tried to speak but reached for his throw up bucket and he kept gagging. Mrs. Kim rubbed her son's back while she watched her son throw up practically nothing. Mrs. Kim and Mr. Kim left Namjoon alone saying they would be back next week. Namjoon got up from his bed and stared at himself in the mirror while he touched his head and it finally broke his heart. Pieces and chucks of hair were now gone. He felt sick to his stomach and felt the tears fall from his eyes. He gripped the sink before sitting down on the floor and sobbed while letting his knees be tucked into his chest. Namjoon's door opened and it was Jin. He was by himself. 

Being stuck in the hospital was the most awful thing that Namjoon had to deal with but this is what happens when he has cancer. Most of his days were spent catching up on books he didn't have a chance to read while busy with touring with BTS. Dr. Shin knocked on Namjoon's room and Namjoon put his book down and sighed while sitting up in his room. Dr. Shin put a needle into Namjoon's arm to collect blood. Everyday Namjoon was subjected to numerous treatments of both radiation and chemo but also blood tests became a regular thing. 

It was always the same thing. Namjoon was escorted to his chemo chair and Namjoon sat there staring at the wall while his body was being pumped full of medicine. Namjoon is very tired now after chemo. It had been hours and Namjoon had to be wheeled out in the wheelchair and as soon as he went back to his room. He curled back into bed and felt his eyes closed shut. 

Namjoon felt someone patting his head and Namjoon opened his eyes to see it was his mother and his father. She gave Namjoon a slight smile. 

"Mom what are you doing here?" Namjoon asked his mother. 

"You thought I wouldn't visit you while you were dealing with leukemia again." His mother pulled her hand away when she noticed a clump of hair was now gone. Namjoon slowly sat up while yawning slightly. 

"I'm fine mom. I don't need you to come down to Seoul." Namjoon told his mother. Mrs. Kim rolled her eyes and grabbed her son's hand. She was beyond worried about Namjoon. Namjoon's eyes were red and puffy. He also had bags underneath it and Namjoon was paler than usual. Namjoon's tan skin was gone. Namjoon was losing weight rapidly. 

Namjoon tried to speak but reached for his throw up bucket and he kept gagging. Mrs. Kim rubbed her son's back while she watched her son throw up practically nothing. Mrs. Kim and Mr. Kim left Namjoon alone saying they would be back next week. Namjoon got up from his bed and stared at himself in the mirror while he touched his head and it finally broke his heart. Pieces and chucks of hair were now gone. He felt sick to his stomach and felt the tears fall from his eyes. He gripped the sink before sitting down on the floor and sobbed while letting his knees be tucked into his chest. Namjoon's door opened and it was Jin. He was by himself. 

Each of the boys didn't know how to handle Namjoon and Namjoon was only getting worse. Hobi didn't want to make jokes, JK was avoiding Namjoon. Suga locked himself in his studio working on songs and V was writing lyrics with help from Suga. Jimin couldn't handle seeing Namjoon so weak. Jin made it a point to visit Namjoon as often as he could. He would bring food for Namjoon to munch on. 

Jin bent down to Namjoon's level and placed his hand on Namjoon's shoulder. 

"I'm losing my hair." Namjoon whispered while biting his lip and Jin couldn't help but give Namjoon sympathy. Namjoon rubbed his head and there went another tuff of his hair. 

Jin sighed. "What do you want to do?" 

"This is the worst part seeing your own hair fall out." Namjoon shook his head. Jin helped Namjoon back into his head and Namjoon turned away from Jin. Jin patted Namjoon before leaving the food on the tray closest to Namjoon. Jin shut the door while leaning against the door while sliding down the door. Jin sat there for a few moments. Jin had his head in his hands. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder. It was Devyn. 

"You okay?" 

"Namjoon, he's so defeated." 

"That's what being stuck in the hospital does to you." 

"I never had to deal with someone with cancer. The rest of the boys are still in denial." 

"Everyone deals with loss differently. When Sadie got sick, I cried all night and the very next day I pretended that she wasn't sick." Devyn confessed to Jin. "Allow yourself and your bandmates to deal with it the way they see fit." 

Devyn got up from the floor leaving Jin to be by himself. Jin got up from the floor and rushed to the dorm and stormed into JK's room and grabbed him. 

"Jin, what the hell is going on?" 

Jin didn't respond until they got to the hospital. Jungkook had a camera in his hands. 

"Namjoon needs us." Jin pushed the hospital door and Namjoon looked up at his friends. Namjoon stared at Jungkook and Jungkook stared back at his brother, his role model. 

"Do you want your hair gone?" Jin asked while sitting next to Namjoon on the bed. Namjoon stared at Jin who had a pair of razors and Namjoon nodded. Jin sat behind Namjoon and started the razor. Jungkook stood there with a camera. He recorded it. Namjoon waved at the camera. Namjoon slowly stood up from the bed while Jin helped him towards the bathroom. Namjoon rubbed his scalp, there was no hair left. Namjoon clutched the sink while sobbing and Jin hugged him tight. Jin felt the wetness on his shirt. Jungkook placed the camera that was still rolling onto the bed. Jungkook helped lead Namjoon back to his bed. 

Jin and Jungkook stayed the night in the hospital and while they both were asleep. Namjoon took Jungkook's camera and pressed the record. Namjoon took a breath. 

_ My name is Namjoon Kim aka RM from BTS.  _

_ I have Cancer to be more specific Leukemia. I'm scared and terrified and I don't want to die. I miss my hair, I miss my own bed. I miss being the strong leader and I miss being healthy and just being happy but now I'm sick and everyone is terrified of seeing me weak. I can barely walk on my own. I feel and look like a zombie.  _

Namjoon stopped recording the video and closed his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Losing hair is heartbreaking


	7. WEEK 2: DAY 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon leaned back in his bed while closing his eyes slightly. 
> 
> "Post the video Jungkook." Namjoon whispered to his brother. Jungkook shook his head. 
> 
> "Are you sure?" 
> 
> "Yes and Jungkook please edit the video for me." 
> 
> "Joon, I can't." 
> 
> "You can. You can do whatever you want. Jungkook, listen to me, I know it hurts to see me like this but Army deserves to know the truth and you are the only person I trust with what I recorded last night. You are talented at editing videos."

Namjoon woke up from his slumber and looked at Jungkook who was watching a video clip, the one he recorded last night when everyone was asleep. Jungkook sighed before sitting on the bed next to Namjoon. Jungkook gripped Namjoon's hand tight in his hands. Jungkook looked down while shaking his head. 

"Namjoon, I am so sorry. I've been a terrible maknae." 

"No, don't say sorry for having feelings. Kook, we know that you care about your brothers. I know it hurts to see me so sick and getting weaker by the day." Namjoon clutched Jungkook's hand while wiping the tears from Kook's eyes. 

"Everyone wants a statement about this. We don't want to release anything until you give the go ahead" Jungkook mentioned to Namjoon and Namjoon gave a slight smile but it was forced. 

Namjoon leaned back in his bed while closing his eyes slightly. 

"Post the video Jungkook." Namjoon whispered to his brother. Jungkook shook his head. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes and Jungkook please edit the video for me." 

"Joon, I can't." 

"You can. You can do whatever you want. Jungkook, listen to me, I know it hurts to see me like this but Army deserves to know the truth and you are the only person I trust with what I recorded last night. You are talented at editing videos." 

Jungkook nodded and Jin finally woke up from his slumber rubbing the maknae's head in affection and the nurse knocked on the door with a sad smile. 

"Guys, you should go home. Namjoon has to do his chemo and radiation." The nurse spoke politely. Namjoon got up from the bed slowly, he was weaker and his balance was off but he pulled Jungkook into a hug tightly and whispered, "Talk to the other members about what you are feeling. Don't keep it in." 

Namjoon pulled away from the hug and hugged Jin. Jin hugged Namjoon back with a smile. 

"Tomorrow, we will bring the rest of the guys." 

"No don't worry about that Jin." 

"Tae wants to visit you and since Tae is free on that day we might as well have a get together in your room." Jin nudged Namjoon. Namjoon finally couldn't stand any longer so he sat down in his wheelchair. 

All four of them left Namjoon's room and with Namjoon being pushed the opposite way of his members. 

Jungkook stood there gripping his camera tight in his hands. Jin had his hand wrapped around Jungkook's shoulders. They both watched as long as they could till they couldn't see Namjoon anymore. Both boys walked out of the hospital not saying much to each other and when they went back to the dorm, Jungkook locked the door to his bedroom and connected his sd card into his computer. 

He was going to make the best damn video for Namjoon, his leader, his role model and his brother even if it kills him and that's what Jungkook did for hours upon hours that day. Jungkook did not eat one single meal which was a big deal until he heard a knock on the door and Jungkook opened the door and Jimin was holding a plate of noodles in his hands. 

"Jin wants you to eat. You haven't stepped out of your room for hours." Jimin stated and Jungkook shook his head while sitting down in his chair. Jimin stepped forward into his room and his eyes glazed over to Jungkook's computer screen and he saw Namjoon's face, his eyes were puffy and red and now Jimin could see the tears in Jungkook's eyes. Jimin sat down next to Jungkook holding his hand for the rest of the night while Jungkook was editing the video. Jungkook got up from his seat and Jimin stared at Jungkook and hugged him tight and both members just sobbed letting the sound fill the dorm. 

Yoongi got home from the studio and heard the sobs and Yoongi poked his head in to see both members having tears slip their eyes. Yoongi shook his head and started walking back but then he saw Jin who looked tired and exhausted and they both said nothing at that moment. 

"Are you going to show up tomorrow or not?" 

"Jin." 

"No because it's wrong to make Namjoon go through this all alone." 

"You didn't have a problem when Jimin stopped going outside and refused to even say his name." 

"That's different." 

"How?" 

"Because, it's Jimin and guess what everyone will be going except you." Jin huffed while walking away but before he could, Jungkook grabbed the two members and looked at them through his doe eyes. 

"Let's not fight, we need to be kind to each other." Jungkook's voice was hoarse and Jimin nodded. "I made a video and edited it because Namjoon wanted me to do so and I want to show you guys the video and I want all of us to be in the video. 

It was already late, it was 11pm but Jungkook knew this needed to be done for tomorrow when all of them were going to visit Namjoon. It had been weeks since all of them hung out together. 

Jin nodded while waking up Tae, and Hobi. Yoongi was on the couch and Jimin was fiddling with his fingers with nerves even though he had spent hours watching Jungkook work on the video. 

Tae, Hobi all sat on the left side of the couch and Jin was in the middle, Yoongi, and Jimin were on the right side of the couch watching as Jungkook set up the tv to watch the video that would announce to the world Namjoon's cancer. 

Namjoon sat up in the bed late in the night with the camera. Namjoon had a hospital gown on with a cap on his head, his eyes red and puffy. 

_Hello everyone,_

_I'm sorry that BTS tour is canceled because of me. I know you Armys were looking forward to world tour and I let everyone down. As you can see, I'm not in the dorm or at Big Hit and it's quite late when I'm recording myself but I'm sick like really sick._

_My name is Namjoon Kim aka RM from BTS._

_I have Cancer to be more specific Leukemia. I'm scared and terrified and I don't want to die. I miss my hair, I miss my own bed. I miss being the strong leader and I miss being healthy and just being happy but now I'm sick and everyone is terrified of seeing me weak. I can barely walk on my own. I feel and look like a zombie. I was losing my hair and so I decided I didn't want to wake up and see bald spots on my head so I shaved it off. I miss being able to listen and play music and do everything but I am so tired after treatment of both chemo and radiation. I'm at high risk for infections and illnesses that I have been made to make this hospital my temporary home while I'll get better which I hope I do because Army, I don't want to let anyone down. I love you guys and I love my career and I'm way too young to die._

_Bye everyone who is watching this._

_Namjoon waved bye at the camera before the screen turned to black_

All of the members stood still not saying anything but tears fell from their eyes. 

"I want each one of us to say something in the video before we send out as announcement for the fans." Jungkook looked at each member. Tae got up with a sad smile but tears clouded his eyes and Jimin got up to holding Tae's hand. 

"Can we do it in pairs?" Jimin muttered and Jungkook nodded. 

"Me and Hobi can do it together then." Yoongi stood up and placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "It was good Jungkook." Yoongi praised the member. 

"Jin, you want." Jungkook started but was interrupted by Jin giving him a hug and Jin nodded. 

The rest of the night was spent with each pairing recording their messages about Namjoon and Jungkook spent the night editing the last remaining piece of the video up until the sun rays hit the maknae's face. 


	8. WEEK 2: DAY 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mom, dad Big Hit is having a contest looking for rappers.” 
> 
> “Namjoon, you just got off your treatment. We can’t let you go.” 
> 
> “But guys, this is everything I want.” 
> 
> “We know that honey but we can’t let our little boy go to Seoul when he’s been declared in remission.” Mom patted Namjoon’s shoulder. 
> 
> “What if I get regular checkups every week while I’m a trainee and I will send the report to you guys.” Namjoon tried to make a deal with his parents. 
> 
> “Honey, Namjoon is smart and we have to let him try. We can’t stop him from living his life because we are afraid he's going to get ALL again. That's not a life.” Mr. Kim told his wife. 

Namjoon was being wheeled back to his hospital room when he saw Devyn was sitting on the floor crying her eyes out. Namjoon quickly called out to Devyn. 

“Devyn, what’s wrong?” Namjoon asked her while gripping her hands. 

“Sadie has pneumonia and her breathing is not getting better.” Devyn told Namjoon and Namjoon wasn’t stupid because he knew any type of infection or illness could be potentially harmful cancer patients. 

He knew that with his first run with leukemia. He had gotten the flu when he started his treatment. He had to sleep with an oxygen mask and he could never keep food down. None of the boys knew that Namjoon almost died when he was thirteen when he first got sick and it does make sense why his doctor doesn't want Namjoon outside of the hospital. 

Namjoon grabbed her hand because that’s all the energy he could muster and he profusely apologized to Devyn. 

“I always knew that she wasn’t getting better but doctors say at least a year to live but with pneumonia it’s speeding up her death and god how do I tell a little girl that she’s going to die.” Devyn shook her head in tears. Namjoon continued to grasp her hand letting her cry her eyes out. 

Devyn smiled at Namjoon slightly before wiping her tears to go to see her daughter who was still not awake. Namjoon felt his heart break, a little girl dying from cancer wasn’t anything new to Namjoon but it still broke his heart. 

When he was thirteen, he had a friend who meant the world to him, he was like a brother to him. The guy had advanced stage 4 cancer, it was brain cancer but the guy never told Namjoon and he passed away while Namjoon was dealing with his leukemia. Meeting friends at a hospital, you never know what to expect but Namjoon learned early on people die from cancer, he made friends and somehow they never got better ever. 

Namjoon sat on his bed shaking his head, his nurse helped him on the bed. She handed him a bottle of water and Namjoon thanked her. Today was the day the boys were all visiting him and Namjoon was happy, believe him but the news of Sadie dampened his mood. Namjoon could never imagine having to lose a child gosh. He knew parents were always worried about his health. 

_“Mom, dad Big Hit is having a contest looking for rappers.”_

_“Namjoon, you just got off your treatment. We can’t let you go.”_

_“But guys, this is everything I want.”_

_“We know that honey but we can’t let our little boy go to Seoul when he’s been declared in remission.” Mom patted Namjoon’s shoulder._

_“What if I get regular checkups every week while I’m a trainee and I will send the report to you guys.” Namjoon tried to make a deal with his parents._

_“Honey, Namjoon is smart and we have to let him try. We can’t stop him from living his life because we are afraid he's going to get ALL again. That's not a life.” Mr. Kim told his wife._

_Both Mr. and Mrs. Kim agreed to let Namjoon go to Seoul to follow his dream and so enough a year went by and no sign of ALL coming up and then BTS debuted and life went by quickly with Mr. and Mrs. Kim son is living his dream out and being successful. They were happy that Namjoon got to live a life._

A knock was heard and Namjoon looked towards the door to see his members all smile. Jin held a bag full of food just begging to be eaten. Jin placed the food on the tray in front of Namjoon. 

“Hey Namjoon, how was your treatment today?” 

“You know, same old same old.” Namjoon shrugged. 

“What’s wrong?” Hobi asked while touching Namjoon’s forehead. “You need a doctor.” 

“Hobi, chill it’s a small fever, it comes with the territory of chemo.” Namjoon chuckled at Hobi’s worried expression. 

“The girl who’s next door is in the ICU.” Namjoon confessed to the boys. Jungkook’s eyes went wide. 

“You mean Sadie.” 

“Yeah Sadie, she got pneumonia, she hasn't woken up and gosh Devyn is so heartbroken.” Namjoon sighed while taking a sip of water. 

“Geez.” Hobi shook his head in shock. 

“Can someone tell me who Sadie and Devyn are?” Yoongi spoke up in annoyance. 

“Some girl that Namjoon has a thing for.” Hobi wiggled his eyebrows and Namjoon threw a pillow at Hobi using up his energy in that moment. 

“I do not have a thing for her at all.” Namjoon glared at the boy yelling slightly and trying to catch his breath. Jungkook rushed over to the leader and handed Namjoon more water and Jungkook glared at Hobi. 

“Namjoon, I’m sorry . I didn’t mean to make you lose your breath.” Hobi rubbed the back of his neck in shock. 

“It’s...okay.” Namjoon smiled at Hobi. “But she’s just a girl I met while I was doing chemo. Devyn is the girl and Sadie is her daughter who happens to be an Army.” 

All of the boys smiled slightly but immediately their smile went away knowing that this girl, one of their fans, was struggling with something like their leader. Jungkook took out his laptop and placed it on Namjoon’s lap. Namjoon stared at the laptop. 

“Jungkook what is this?” Namjoon said. 

“Kookie edited the video to inform Army. He worked on it all night.” Jin patted the maknae with a proud smile on his face. 

“Press Play Rapmon.” 

Namjoon nodded and his hand shook while pressing the play button on the laptop and he watched the video. 

_When Namjoon got sick, I was scared of losing him. I still am. He’s my older brother but without him Serendipity would never have happened so RM is important to us._

_Namjoon told us while we watched a film together like brothers. He’s my younger brother. We couldn’t go on tour without RM._

_Same year brother, Namjoon is strong. He will fight it and when he does, we will go on tour but please enjoy our content. I will be doing more Hope on the Street_

_When I met Namjoon, he was a tall dork who I thought was talented. He’s the one who formed BTS and without him BTS wouldn’t be without him so going on tour feels wrong but Army, I’m working on my third mixtape._

_I feel guilty, Army for doing my tv show while Namjoon is in the hospital but Namjoon would want us to smile and do what we love._

_Rapmon will always be my role model with how he handles his diagnosis and he will come back stronger than before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile since I updated this story so I decided to write two chapters for you guys.


	9. WEEK 2: DAY 4

Namjoon had a beaming smile on his face while he shut the laptop closed and turned towards Jungkook. 

"It's perfect." Namjoon commented and Jungkook couldn't help but look at the ground not saying anything but his ears turned a different color. The boys all left the room leaving Namjoon by himself. 

One nurse came into his room with sad look and Namjoon sat up in his bed while the nurse took him down the hall to get hooked up for chemo and that's when he saw the seat next to him was gone and so was Devyn. 

Namjoon knew instantly what had happened and the nurse looked down. The seat was now filled by another girl a teenage girl who looked nervous without a doubt. Namjoon could tell it was first chemo treatment. 

Namjoon lost a lot of appetite and he was getting so skinny, you could see the bones and ribs poking out. Namjoon couldn't even read as much as he wanted to and he was glad the boys visited him and stayed with him that night. Namjoon did his routine schedule chemo then radiation but today was different. 

Namjoon was forced to sit in an uncomfortable chair while wearing his sweats sitting in front of Dr. Shin. She was looking at his test results and she ended up biting her lip while placing the folder down. 

"What is it?" 

"The cancer has spread to other organs in your body so I want to start increasing chemotherapy more and increasing the dosage." Dr. Shin informed Namjoon. Namjoon bit his lip and that's when realization actually set off knowing this wasn't like last time. 

"I wished you came in earlier Namjoon, we could have stopped this spreading. You know you should have a follow up appointments every month but you went years without check ups." 

"So am I going to die?" 

"Namjoon we are only at the end of the 2nd week of your treatment. It is too soon to figure out if you looking at dying." Dr. Shin hated these conversations and she didn't want to give Namjoon false hope on surviving or dying. Most patients survive this but Namjoon wasn't a regular patient anymore. He was an international artist who was busy touring the world. 

"It's my fault. I should have stuck to my regular check ups but I was doing so good." Namjoon couldn't help but yawn while shaking his head. Dr. Shin helped Namjoon up from the seat and placed him a wheelchair and wheeled him back to his hospital room. 

"It unfortunately mean you are higher risk for infections and I hate to tell you that I don't want any visitors to come see you while we tackle with this." Dr. Shin placed Namjoon on his bed. 

Namjoon sighed and nodded while letting his eyes closed shut. He was only getting worse and sicker. 

Dr. Shin shut the door shut and sighed while walking over to the nurses station. She didn't want to lose Namjoon, she already lost Sadie and even though she knew it was terminal for that little girl, it didn't ease the hurt of letting go of a child who barely had her life. 

"Hey Susie, what's wrong?" 

"He's not getting better but now it spread to other organs." Dr. Shin shook her head which caused her ponytail to shake as well. The nurse sighed. 

"From what I hear is that he's a fighter so we shouldn't worry about him." The nurse smiled at Dr. Shin and Dr. Shin nodded. 

"If not, you might need to reach out to your ex-boyfriend, he might need surgery." The nurse suggested and Dr. Shin sighed. She hated having to give surgeries to her patients that was dealing with leukemia or any type of cancer. 

Dr. Shin went for her rounds to check up on her other patients. The nurse shook her head while lifting a box and decided to place it on Namjoon's end table. Namjoon was fast asleep. 

Later when Namjoon opened his eyes, he sat up slowly while reaching for the box which contained numerous letters that said get well from numerous ARMYs, his fans. Army knew which hospital he was in and kept sending boxes upon boxes. It was the highlight of Namjoon's day. He wished he could thank them so much. 


	10. WEEK 3: DAY 1

The start of a new week began and barely Namjoon was awake most days as the dosage got higher and higher. He refused to tell his friends and family about the news of his cancer not going away. Namjoon wasn't dumb, he had a high IQ but being stuck in the hospital was not something he planned on doing for this year but this particular morning, Namjoon felt sick to his stomach and he couldn't help moan. The nurse knocked on Namjoon's door to see Namjoon was throwing up and the nurse quickly rushed over to Namjoon's side checking over his body. It was hard to tell if something was cancer or an infection. 

"Namjoon, I need you to talk to me now." The nurse begged the boy while she kept wiping his forehead with a cold wet towel that she got from the bathroom. 

"Chest hurts, hurts to breathe." Namjoon moaned out take a break between each words and the nurse eyes went wide and she paged Dr. Shin immediately. The nurse was supposed to take Namjoon for chemo and radiation. 

Dr. Shin came rushing in and she was breathing heavy. Her hair was out of it's nice neat slick ponytail that she wears her hair in. "What's going on?" 

"His chest, I think his lungs is clogged up." The nurse stated handing the stethoscope to Dr. Shin. Dr. Shin sighed. 

"Shit, that means he might have the flu but where did he get the flu from." Dr. Shin stated. "How long has he been like this?" 

"Namjoon when did you start feeling bad?" Dr. Shin asked Namjoon while the nurse ran to get oxygen sit up and the IV drip. 

"Since last night." Namjoon voiced cracked. 

"Well, we just administered some medicine for the flu and hopefully you will be feeling better." 

Namjoon gave Dr. Shin a thumbs up before closing his eyes. the nurse and Dr. Shin took a deep breathe while watching the young man chest raise up and down. Dr. Shin immediately walked around the hospital making rounds and checking on the other patients in the cancer ward. 

Meanwhile.... 

Echoes of throw up could be heard from the bathroom and the smell of chicken soup spread throughout the household. Jimin was rubbing the back of Jungkook while he stuck his head into the toilet. 

"Why didn't you get the flu shot when I told you to." Jimin said arrogantly. 

"Oh shut up, this is not the time for you to say I told you so." Jungkook lifted his head up to glare at Jimin. Jungkook finally got up from the floor shivering slightly and Jimin wrapped the blanket around Jungkook. Both men walked to the living room and Jungkook laid down on the couch while a wastebasket was placed next to his head. 

"When were feeling like crap?" Jin asked while placing a wet cloth and urging the maknae to take some medicine. 

"I guess when we left Namjoon but I thought it was just a cold." Jungkook groaned while falling back onto the couch. 

"You thought you had a cold and you still showed up to the hospital." Jin gave him a look that showed anger. 

"It was a cold." 

"Did you forget that Namjoon is more susceptible for infections and illnesses? That's why he's in the hospital and not at home for treatment." Yoongi complained while walking through the front door with more medicine in his hand. 

"Sorry but I'm sure he's fine." Jungkook huffed out. Jin rolled his eyes placing the bowl of soup in front of Jungkook before grabbing his phone and called the hospital. 

"Hey Dr. Shin, how's Namjoon?" 

"He has the flu right now, he's need oxygen." Dr. Shin informed Jin since Namjoon said that she could express health updates to Jin. Jin was essentially his emergency contact. 

"It's that bad." 

"Yeah he can't breathe right now and his lungs are clogged up which means we have to drain the lungs right now. He should be okay but it will be a longer time for him to get back to being slightly healthier. We can't continue with chemo until the virus and infections are out of Namjoon's." 

"Shit, Dr. Shin, Jungkook has the flu, he must have passed it to Namjoon." Jin sighed while shaking his head while looking at Jungkook. 

"How's Jungkook's fever?" 

"It's not going down but going up." Jin informed Namjoon's doctor. 

"Take him to the hospital Jin. If it's over 101, he needs to go. It could be dangerous to get higher temperature." Dr. Shin was now worried about Namjoon and the maknae. 

Jin hung up the phone before trying to take Jungkook's temperature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What more do you guys want to see of in this story? I am open for ideas. If anyone have any ideas of how to portray Namjoon more accurately let me know. Let me know what else things can happen for each member let me know.


	11. WEEK 3: DAY 2

Namjoon was sitting up in his bed trying to breathe in and out while the nurse listened to his shallow breathing, Namjoon fever went down considerably but the fever was still as high which meant another day of radiation and chemo down the drain. The nurse urged Namjoon to lay back down in his bed. Namjoon was about to pull the oxygen mask off his face but the nurse shook her head.

"You still need it to breathe. Your fever might have gone down but it's still there." The nurse patted Namjoon's shoulder. Namjoon sighed while shaking his head. 

"When can my friends visit me again?" Namjoon muttered through the mask. The nurse shook her head and picked up the file. 

"Namjoon, you got an infection in your lungs that endangers you and I think you should think carefully about who you surround yourself with. Your immune system is already getting weaker with the medication." The nurse spoke with certainty that was filled with bluntness. 

Namjoon turned on his side and stared at the wall while wrapping his arms around his body. Namjoon was constantly filling lonely not seeing anyone and it was worse not seeing Devyn and Sadie anymore. Sadie's room was no longer hers. She was gone and so was her mother. 

Once he heard the door closed shut, Namjoon sat up in his bed and with every step walked towards the window reeling the portable oxygen tank with him. Namjoon stared outside while hearing the rain pouring down. Namjoon shook his head while trying to keep the tears from falling down on his cheeks. Namjoon heard his cell phone rang from facetime. 

"RM." 

Namjoon couldn't help but smile at the voice. 

"How are you?" The voice asked while he saw the rapper of GOT7, Jackson and Mark on facetime. 

"Got sick with the flu." Namjoon spoke while shaking his head. 

"You just had to get sick with cancer to avoid hanging out with me. Always have to take it to the extreme don't you." Jackson joked and Namjoon couldn't help but let out a chuckle. It felt good to laugh and Namjoon knew that he could always count on Jackson Wang to give him life after feeling completely miserable. 

"Yeah because I love the side effects of chemo." 

"Well, it's good that BTS took hiatus during award season give Got7 a chance to shine." Jackson commented and Namjoon rolled his eyes but he couldn't stop smiling. 

"Jackson stop with those jokes." Mark glared at Jackson. 

"No it's okay Mark." Namjoon muttered. Mark nodded and said goodbye leaving Jackson and Namjoon on the facetime by himself. 

"But Namjoon, I do miss you at award shows. BTS not showing up and performing on those stages are somehow heartbreaking." Jackson rubbed his hair messing it up slightly. 

"I miss performing but Jackson can I tell you something?" Namjoon said while biting his lip and Jackson nodded. "I'm scared that chemo isn't working. My doctor is worried beyond a doubt." 

"Namjoon, you tough and you are a fighter." Jackson smiled at Namjoon. 

"Jackson, it's not that simple." 

"Yes it is. Namjoon you sound like you giving up." Jackson raised an eyebrow. "The Namjoon I know is not a quitter." 

"I had leukemia before this is my second round Jackson and i have a feeling I might die." Namjoon confessed and Jackson shook his head while tears sprung in Jackson eyes. 

"Does your members know you feel this way?" 

"No and you can't tell them. It will stress them out and you should see how they are now.They visited me last week and they look like zombies. I can see they losing weight Jackson and i won't let them see how painful it is to see me so broken." 

"Namjoon." 

"The survival rates for relapse in leukemia is low and i need you to promise something" 

"Stop talking as if you are going to die." 

"I might Jackson please just promise me." Namjoon whispered the words while now both Jackson and Namjoon's cheeks were wet with tears. 

"I promise i will do whatever you need me to do." 

"If I do pass away or I can't be there for them, can you be their supporter?" Namjoon asked Jackson and Jackson nodded but bit his lip hard. Namjoon hung up the phone. 

Namjoon stared at the ceiling and started sobbing in his hands. Outside of Namjoon's door, Dr. Shin held his chart in her hands while shaking her head. She hated this part of the job especially when she heard her patient sobbing his eyes out. Losing Sadie was one of the most painful thing to say. Dr. Shin opened Namjoon's room with a mask on her face. 

Dr. Shin checked Namjoon's temperature and that's when she noticed the light was now gone from Namjoon. Dr. Shin couldn't bear to tell Namjoon the news so instead she sat down on the bed placing her hands on top of his. 

"Jungkook's fever has gone down now and everyone is making sure they keeping their distance away so I'm hoping that they could visit you this weekend with protection on." Dr. Shin gave him a small smile. 

"Can I go outside? I want to see the garden." Namjoon said to Dr. Shin and Dr. Shin nodded. 

Dr. Shin left the room clutching the file in her hands while tears blurred her eyes. 


	12. WEEK 3: DAY 3

Yoongi was pissed off at Jungkook for what he did to Namjoon so he was actively avoiding Jungkook. It might have been irresponsible and immature to say the least but because of Jungkook the boy couldn't visit Namjoon in the hospital or even be in the hospital. It was like they had no choice but to stay away from their leader. Jin was trying his best to help lead the boys and because of that everyone could see how much Jin changed not much dad jokes were present. Jin was gone and was speaking to their managers in the office.

"We want you guys to attend award shows. I mean you guys are nominated for so many awards."

"You want us to go when Namjoon is in the hospital." Jin commented shaking his head. 

"What do you think Namjoon wants you to do?" Sejin brought up staring at Jin and Jin shook his head and stood up from his seat knocking the chair back. 

Sejin stood shock at seeing Jin anger bursting through his eyes but underneath those eyes were sadness and pain. Anyone could see that. 

"Stop talking like he's dead. He's not dead." Jin gritted through his teeth and Sejin put his hand on Jin's shoulder but Jin pushed Sejin hand away. Sejin was confused and hurt to see Jin acting like this. 

"Jin, I didn't mean to make it sound like he's dead." 

"Yeah right." 

"You think this isn't hard for me. Namjoon is like a son to me." Sejin commented before urging Jin to take a seat once again and Sejin sat down in his seat. Sejin stayed quiet for a few moments. Jin took a deep breath before slipping down in the seat and he pushed his hair back. 

"I'm sorry. It's been stressful." Jin said finally and Sejin nodded. 

"Are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone?" Sejin placed his hand on Jin and Jin shook his head. 

"I'm fine. I don't need to see a counselor." Jin said and Jin thought that was true but everything that BTS built was falling apart. Sejin could tell the boys were falling apart and Sejin loved these boys together. 

"How are the other boys?" Sejin asked even though he knew the answer. 

Jin shrugged fiddling with his hands. "They handling the best. Jungkook feels guilty, Yoongi is pissed all the time, Jimin cries all the time, Hobi doesn't smile as much. and Tae accepts that Namjoon could die. Their emotions are all over the places." 

Sejin nodded before thinking that they all should talk to a therapist even Namjoon probably should talk to. 

"I think going to an award show would be good for you guys." Sejin tried to convince Jin and Jin bit his lip. 

"I'll talk to the boys and see what they say." Jin got up from his seat before walking out of Sejin's office. Jin got back to the dorm to see Jungkook was playing video games, Tae was drawing, Jimin laying on Jungkook's lap like a pillow. Jin rounded up all the members one by one. 

Jin cleared his throat before announcing the news, "PDnim and Sejin wants us to attend the award shows" 

"What?" Yoongi stated. 

"Just the ones that are here in Korea so that way we can still visit Namjoon and such." Jin explained further. 

"What's the point, we probably going to lose anyway." Tae stated while putting his paintbrush down before breaking his canvas in half. Tae was muttering how much the art was crap.

"The point is that we all locked ourselves up in this dorm, all we do is eat, sleep, worry about Namjoon in this dorm. Frankly, I'm tired of feeling bad about things that is not in our control." Jin ranted and all of the members looked at him with sadness. "The team will be at Big Hit to get us styled tomorrow so be ready for that. It's not up to me, Sejin says we need to go so we going." 

Jin walked passed the kitchen and into his room sighing and he placed his head in his hands while trying to breathe in and out but suddenly his breathing was shallowed and he started feeling dizzy. Something he never expected to feel but it was there in that moment. Jin was good at holding in his emotions, he was actor for crying out loud, he was able to put on a happy face in front of Armys and even members so why was it crashing down in that moment. Jin heard a knock on the door and the door slowly opened to find Hobi peaking in. Hobi wanted to know what was for dinner but when he saw tears and the heavy breathing and Jin rocking back and forth. Hobi hopped to the floor and grabbed a shaky Jin in his arms tight. Hobi said over and over again that he was going to be okay. They all had to be okay. 

That night, they all sat down not saying anything. Hobi and Jin kept what happened earlier a secret from everybody. Hobi had an inkling that Jin had an panic attack that was so extreme that was causing Jin to shake. Hobi now realized how fucked up they all were and how fucked up Jin was even though he was good at hiding it. Hobi knew that Jin didn't want to showcase his weak side cause everyone else was doing it. 

Instead of keeping secrets from each other, they should express their vulnerability to each other but that wasn't happening ever. 

Namjoon was now free to roam the hospital in a wheelchair since he was quite weak on the legs, he had on a mask and so he found himself pushing the chair and he stopped in front of the door that still had Sadie's name on the door. Namjoon slowly opened the door and he saw her, Devyn. 

"Devyn." 

"Hi Namjoon." 

"How are you?" 

"I'm good and you?" 

"As good as I can be, you know being stuck in here." 

"Yeah, hospitals sucks." 

"Especially when you get the flu. I'm sorry about Sadie." 

Devyn was collecting the remaining items that were collected around in the room. Namjoon looked at the room and it looked like a little's kid bedroom. It brought memories when Namjoon was a kid in the hospital. Namjoon could remember having posters hung up in the room and toys along the room and teddy bears. 

"Thank you." Devyn gave a small smile before packing up the last box before getting ready to leave the hospital room that was next to Namjoon's. 

Namjoon stood while Devyn walked away but she turned around and she walked towards Namjoon. She reached into her pocket before pulling out a hat. 

"It gets chilly here." Devyn smiled at Namjoon. "If I don't see you around just know you are in my prayers Namjoon. I can tell you are a fighter." 

"You not coming back here." 

"I can't but Namjoon, I will never forget you and I will keep you in my thoughts. Maybe once you get out of here, we could be a couple normal people where you do not have cancer and I can be a normal girl." 

"Normal is overrated." Namjoon said to Devyn and Devyn couldn't help but let out a chuckle. 

"Maybe you right but I would like to find out for myself." Devyn hugged Namjoon before walking away for good and Namjoon walked her leave with a box of stuff in here hands and the sound of heels walking away. 

Namjoon looked down at the hat with a stitched inside Fighting it said and Namjoon put his hand in it to see Sadie handwriting. Namjoon felt tears and he pushed his wheelchair to outside in the garden. 

Namjoon removed the hat he was wearing and was wearing the nice knitted hat that Devyn made for him. 


	13. WEEK 3: DAY 4

Namjoon refused to take off the hat even during chemo even during radiation. To be honest he missed seeing everyone, his friends, his family and gosh he missed seeing Sadie and Devyn but he knew Devyn needed to leave the hospital. Namjoon would want to as well if he lost a kid to cancer. Namjoon couldn't help but feel guilty over the thought that Sadie never got what she wanted all those autographs from the boys. Namjoon was wheeled back to his room and for the first time in awhile Namjoon reached for the tv remote, he knew the award show was going to be on. 

Namjoon turned on the tv before needing help to get into his bed. Namjoon sighed while leaning his head and he was watching the red carpet. Namjoon felt a small smile on his face watching his members step onto the red carpet each member wearing a nice black simple tux with a nice pop color underneath the suit. Namjoon was happy that they decided to attend the award shows and miss out on it but each member looked exhausted and tired. Jin was giving his classic thumbs up and a smile on his face. 

If you didn't know Jin then you would think he was fine but Namjoon could see all of their facade even through the tv screen. He knew it must be hard for their leader not to be there but Sejin told Namjoon that they needed to continue working and Namjoon agreed with Sejin fully. In fact, he trusted Big Hit than himself more so and the members needed to trust Big Hit while he was gone. 

He didn't know what each member was taking charge of while he was absent and stuck in the hospital. Namjoon was tired but he was convinced he had to stay up to watch the whole thing. 

His doctor knocked on his door and she smiled at him. Namjoon gave her a soft smile. She handed a bowl of popcorn to Namjoon and Namjoon raised an eyebrow. 

"I heard you watching the MAMA'S, I thought you might want a snack to watch it with." She smiled at him. 

"Thanks." Namjoon started on the bowl of popcorn and Dr. Shin left the room leaving the boy alone to watch his brothers at the award show accepting award after award but the last award for best artist of the year was the speech that got Namjoon sobbing with tears. 

_Thank you for this award, Army we love you. This year has been incredibly hard on everyone. We had to learn how to deal with our leader missing these momental moments like this award. Namjoon, if you are watching this just know that we love and miss you. This award is dedicated to you our best leader in the world. Keep fighting Namjoon._

Namjoon wiped the tears now with a smile on his face. He wanted to call his members, he did miss them so much. He missed having contact with the people who he loved so much. 

He dialed a number, 

"Hello." 

"Mom." 

"Namjoon, how are you?" 

"i miss you guys so much." Namjoon stuttered out to his mother and he could hear his start crying hearing her son. 

"We come visit you tomorrow, we will stay for a week." 

"Sound good, how's my sister doing?" 

"She misses you but she's hard at school, you know." Mrs. Kim told her son trying to give her son comfort. "She says she wants to visit you too." 

Namjoon sighed while the tears keep streaming down his face. 

**Meanwhile** Dr. Shin was looking at the x-rays and the blood work, she sighed while pushing the file away from her eyes. She heard a knock on the door, it was a colleague now, he gave her smile before sitting down. 

"Thanks for coming in so fast." 

"No problem, we are friends Ji-Woo but what can I do for you?" 

"I don't know what to do with this patient." Dr. Shin sighed while pushing Namjoon's file towards him and he grabbed it and scanned it. 

"How long has he been doing chemo and radiation?" 

"A month basically but it seems to be getting worse." 

"You know cancer patients do get weaker and it takes awhile to get better." He commented. "Ji-Woo, you doing everything right." 

"No, I'm not. This is his second round of chemo and radiation treatment. This is a relapse Hyun-woo." Dr. Shin sighed and Hyun looked at the files and the blood work and he shook his head. 

"This isn't looking good. You need to stop with chemo and radiation. It's not helping him at all. I would need to see a physical examination to see what we can do for him." Hyun-Woo exclaimed to his friend. He smiled at her before patting her shoulder. 

Dr. Shin and him walked down the hallway and She opened the door to see Namjoon was now passed out and the tv was still on. She smiled at Namjoon before turning the tv off. 

Dr. Shin shook Namjoon awake and Namjoon groaned slightly. 

"Hey Namjoon, I need a friend to examine you now." Dr. Shin told Namjoon and Namjoon slowly sat up straight while clutching his hands. 

"Hey Namjoon, you can call me Woo if you want. I work as a specialist in bone marrow research and I was called to give my second opinion by Dr. Shin." Hyun explained to Namjoon and Namjoon nodded. 

Hyun first touched Namjoon's back then touched Namjoon's hip/pelvic area and Hyun eyes went wide before urging Dr. Shin out of the room. They both stood watching as Namjoon went back to sleep. 

"He needs surgery sooner than later. You are right, you need to stop chemo and radiation. He's going to be in more pain if you continue that. Bone marrow surgery is what he needs. Put him on the list for donation now because it could be months but months, he could die." Hyun spoke out shaking his head. 

"I must of done something wrong." 

"You didn't Ji-Woo. You did what you thought was right and you said he leukemia before which makes his immune system worse to begin with." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon condition is deteriorating at a rapid pace with his illness. You guys finally see more of Dr. Shin and you'll see more of her doctor friend Hyun-Woo. I might do a time jump with a 2 week.


	14. WEEK 5: DAY 1

Two weeks was all it took for Namjoon to adjust the news of him not being on chemo or doing radiation. 2 weeks since he kept the news of his advanced cancer to himself. Two weeks that he couldn't stop crying in fear. Two weeks of him trying to avoid everyone in his life from phone calls to visits. Namjoon would turn away from everyone including his own family and friends. Namjoon couldn't stare at them without breaking down without pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. Namjoon could be dying if he didn't get the surgery and Namjoon always knew that his body was weaker than any other cancer patients since he was 12. 

No one could convince Namjoon to eat or do anything. Namjoon would stare out the window not saying anything. He would be in a wheelchair to weak to get up and walk on his own. Namjoon heard a knock on the door and he turned around to see the person who he never expected to see again. Devyn walked into the room and sat down across from Namjoon with a mask on her face. She smiled and Namjoon could see that through the high cheekbones. 

"Hey, wow you certainly looked pathetic don't you." Devyn tilted her head and Namjoon rolled his eyes but he couldn't help but let out a laugh but the laugh was short. 

"You must of heard, I'm dying." 

"We all dying sometime." Devyn mentioned to Namjoon and she wrapped her hand on Namjoon's. 

"You know why my daughter admired BTS." 

"Because of Jungkook." Namjoon sighed while turning back to the window. Devyn pushed the wheelchair around to face her. She bent down to his level. 

"No, you were her favorite. She talked about how strong you were and how talented and hardworking. You made my daughter want to become an artist. You showed her even if you get hate, you can still accomplish everything you dream of." Devyn held tightly on Namjoon's hand. 

"I hear they want to release you and go home but you are denying that. Namjoon, you should go home."

"Why so they can laugh at me?" 

"Who gonna laugh at you Namjoon? I seen those boys and they care about you. You hiding your feelings is causing more harm than good. Gosh think of your family." 

"I can't do things on my own." 

"Everyone needs help at some point and I will always be there for you Namjoon. Remember we made a promise that once we got out of this, we can try living normally." Devyn patted Namjoon's shoulder before walking out of Namjoon's room. 

Namjoon pushed the wheelchair to his bed and reached for his phone before dialing it while biting his lip so hard that he could taste his own blood. 

"Mom." 

"Namjoon." 

"I miss you guys so much." 

"Oh hunny, I miss you too. We kept trying to visit you but your doctor kept saying you not up for visit." 

"Are you still in Seoul?" Namjoon asked his mother while his hand shook a little bit. Namjoon weight was non-existent and he was pale. You could see his ribs and face structure was different now. 

"Of course we are, I'm in your dorm." 

"Why?" 

"Those boys haven't been taking care of themselves. I have to make sure they are eating and sleeping." Mrs. Kim said while she called the boys to the table to eat the food she prepared. 

"How are they?" 

Mrs. Kim walked away from the chatter and entered Namjoon's room. 

"They are a mess. Jin's in therapy now. No one really sleeps anymore." Mrs. Kim informed her only son and Namjoon looked down. He wanted to tell everyone about his condition but felt it would make things worse. 

"My doctor said, I can go home tomorrow. I was wondering..." 

"Of course, I'll come pick you up." 

Namjoon sighed while hanging up the phone and pushed himself out of the wheelchair and laid down in his bed. Dr. Shin clutched the chart while asking and begging for it have a match. She kept checking the registers for the a match for Namjoon. 

Dr. Shin didn't want to let anyone down especially Armys but Namjoon was a rare person and at this rate the matches were limited and his family wouldn't be a match for Namjoon. Dr. Shin wanted Namjoon to tell his friends and bandmates so they could get tested to see if they could be a match for Namjoon for his bone marrow transplant surgery. 


	15. WEEK 5: DAY 2

Namjoon was sitting on his bed while nurses were packing up his room and they even took his name off the room door. It was official that Namjoon was heading back to his own bed and room and Namjoon couldn't help but feel uneasy. 

"Namjoon, I need you to follow these rules." 

Namjoon looked at Dr. Shin while nodding. 

"I need you to be careful not to go outside without a mask or avoid going outside or being in contact with someone that is sick. Even though I'm sending home doesn't mean that your health can't be compromised at all. I care about Namjoon. I'm giving you this page so if we do find a match, we can call you in but I need you to tell someone whether that is your parents or friends but let someone know. It's dangerous to keep this to yourself." Dr. Shin ranted to Namjoon. 

Namjoon knew who he would tell but as soon as he heard a knock on the door, he saw it was his mom. She was smiling but Namjoon could see the tears. He didn't prep her well to see her son so ill that he needed to lean against a cane. 

"Mom." Namjoon whispered and Mrs. Kim ran up to her son hugging him tight and Namjoon wrapped his arms around his mother's back. 

Mrs. Kim pulled away and Namjoon saw his father had tears down his cheek. Namjoon never saw his father crying and here he was crying. Mr. Kim walked up to Namjoon. Namjoon and Mr. Kim stared at each other and Namjoon was pulled into another hug. 

"Don't push people away." Mr. Kim whispered to his son and Namjoon couldn't help but let a fresh set of tears out of his eyes. 

"I'm scared dad. I'm so scared." Namjoon confessed to his father. 

"Don't be, we all here for you." Mr. Kim smiled at his son before wiping the tears off his son's face. 

"Is he ready to go doctor?" Mr. Kim asked while his hand was placed on his son's back making sure Namjoon wasn't going to fall over at all. Dr. Shin nodded before asking for Mr. Kim to sign the papers. 

Namjoon walked much slower while his parents walked behind him making sure to be there if he needed them. As soon as Namjoon pushed through the hospital doors, He saw a sight of people with signs that said you'll never be alone which made Namjoon had a smile. 

He waved at ARMY standing there some with smiles and some covering their mouths while trying to not to cry. Namjoon stepped to his parents car and the car door opened and there stood his little sister. She smiled at him before hugging him and Namjoon embraced her entirely feeling like he was finally home. 

"I'm so sorry." He apologized to his sister and she shook her head. 

"Don't be." 

"I'm stealing our parents again." 

"This isn't your fault." 

"But still, it's like when we were kids again. I don't want you to be ignored again." 

"Joon, we not kids and I understand why they watched over you more than me I get it." She smiled at Namjoon. "But you really should eat, out here looking like Gollum which says a lot considering you were quite ugly but now you're even uglier." 

Namjoon shook his head while laughing. He missed this, the normalcy, he didn't get that from a lot of people. Everyone was going to treat him like he was delicate flower. 

Namjoon was placed into the moving vehicle, Mr. Kim was driving, Mrs. Kim in the passenger seat and both of their kids in the backseat. The radio was on and it was playing BTS. Namjoon looked out of the window and his sister was gripping his hand. She had her head on his shoulder. 

Namjoon always wanted to protect his little sister but how can you protect his sister from this, from him potentially dying. Namjoon knows he can't do that but he also have enough experience of what cancer can do to a family. It can tear a family apart but he wasn't a little kid anymore but he was full fledge adult but why is he so scared of the outcome of him dying would have on his family. Would it destroy a family like it did for his other friends in the hospital or how it did when he got diagnosed. 

Namjoon could remember the alcohol from his father's breath when he came home, he could remember the screaming and the yelling. He could remember his parents blaming each other for his leukemia. 

"Can we stop the building." Namjoon asked his parents. 

"Are you sure? You must be tired." 

"Please." 

Mr. Kim nodded before turning into the BigHit building. Namjoon slowly opened the car door and grabbed his cane. Mr. Kim got out of the car and put his hand out. 

"Dad, I got this." Namjoon muttered and Mr. Kim watched his son take a slow step while clutching his teeth in pain as he walked up the stairs slowly. Namjoon got to the elevator and sighed while against the wall closing his eyes. 

The elevator door opened and he heard the sounds of TXT boys laughing. They stopped when they saw Namjoon. Soobin gave Namjoon a small smile while Namjoon got out of the elevator. 

He knocked on the CEO door and his manager office door. He heard Bang say come in and Namjoon slowly walked through the door. Both men stood up in shocked at seeing Namjoon. 

Namjoon knew his appearance had taken a hit not in a good way. He had bags under his eyes and he was pale so pale like a ghost. 

"Namjoon, please take a seat." 

Namjoon walked to the seat while clutching the cane in his hand. 

"I'm released from the hospital." 

"What did the doctor say?" 

"That's why I'm here, I don't want my parents and the boys to know but it's bad. I have to get a bone marrow transplant to even be somewhat healthy." Namjoon informed them. "But that could take years but my health is declining." 

"Namjoon, we can get a second opinion." Sejin started to say but Namjoon stopped him. 

"Don't do that, my doctor already got a second opinion. The boys can't know, no one can." Namjoon begged both men. 

"But" 

"But nothing, I seen the way they were at the award show, if they know that it's worse than ever, it will break them." Namjoon got up slowly and both men looked at each other while seeing a young adult getting up from the chair like he was an elder. Namjoon walked out of the office while leaning against the door while groaning in pain and walked to the bathroom and stared at himself in the face. 

Namjoon couldn't lie that he looked like he had cancer. He gripped the sink while tears fell from his eyes and he felt a pat on his shoulder, Namjoon looked up to see Hyun. He was like a big brother to the boys. 

"Hyun Hyung." 

"It's going to be okay." He mumbled while they walked out of the bathroom together. Hyun helped Namjoon down the stairs and helped him back to his parents. He got into the car and laid his head on his sister lap and she put her fingers through his head. 

Namjoon walked up to the steps of the dorm building, his hand was on the doorknob. He looked back at his parents and his sister. They all gave him a smile. Namjoon smiled back at him. 


	16. WEEK 5: DAY 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've been handling it." 
> 
> "No, you guys aren't. What I saw there, I saw a team divided." Namjoon spoke up not before swallowing a medication to stabilize the constant pain he had. "So is anyone going to speak up." 
> 
> No one spoke up and everyone avoided Namjoon's eyes not saying anything. Namjoon caught sight of Jungkook and Jungkook looked down at his wrist. "Jungkook." 
> 
> "It's been tough adjusting to all these changes, that's all." 

Namjoon walked up to the steps of the dorm building, his hand was on the doorknob. He looked back at his parents and his sister. They all gave him a smile. Namjoon smiled back at him. 

As soon as the door opened, Namjoon could smell the scent of baked fresh goods and he could hear music being played loudly along with Jungkook singing loudly. Namjoon looked around the dorm to see it was decorated with balloons that said welcome home. Jimin rushed up to Namjoon hugging him tightly and soon he was surrounded by his members except for Yoongi. 

"Where's Yoongi?" 

"In his studio like he's been all these weeks." Jimin informed Namjoon and Namjoon nodded. 

"He was always a workaholic." Namjoon mentioned. 

"Once your parents told us, you were getting out of the hospital, Jimin wanted to throw a party in honor of you." Tae finally spoke up and his boxy smiling came onto his face. "So that means it's working, you getting better." 

Namjoon couldn't crush Tae so he nodded because he knew if he spoke out loud, they would all know he was lying but Tae was finally smiling again, and Namjoon didn't want to wipe that smile off his face. Everyone was happy and it was lively, before the cancer diagnosis which is what Namjoon missed the most. Namjoon pain hadn't subdued yet. 

Namjoon walked slowly to the couch while each member looked at him with worry. "I'm fine guys, the effects of chemo and radiation is wearing on me." 

The door opened to the dorm building. "He's obviously not fine." Yoongi huffed out while throwing his jacket down before grabbing a can of energy drink. No one said anything in that moment. 

"Ignore Yoongi." 

"Yeah ignore me not like I'm trying to pretend everything fine. Just cause you throw a party doesn't make Namjoon healthy or fine." Yoongi stormed off to his room shutting it loudly. 

Jungkook sighed while looking at Yoongi door. Ever since Jungkook and Yoongi got into that argument, both of them avoided each other and Yoongi only got harsher as time went on. Every little thing would see the second eldest. No one could get through to him. 

Jin could barely handle his emotions. Hobi was trying to be the ever-glowing hope but even Hoseok had a limit on how much he could fake it. 

"How long have you guys been acting like this?" Namjoon asked each member. 

"We've been handling it." 

"No, you guys aren't. What I saw there, I saw a team divided." Namjoon spoke up not before swallowing a medication to stabilize the constant pain he had. "So is anyone going to speak up." 

No one spoke up and everyone avoided Namjoon's eyes not saying anything. Namjoon caught sight of Jungkook and Jungkook looked down at his wrist. "Jungkook." 

"It's been tough adjusting to all these changes, that's all." 

"Guys. I'm sorry." 

"No, you don't get to be sorry." Jin finally said something while pushing his hair back. "We don't talk about it. We don't talk about your cancer. Some of us wants to be in denial about everything because it's easier than to admit that our friend, our leader is sick and is trying so hard to be strong but we know you are terrified of what could happen." 

"I am terrified but I'm not terrified for me. I'm terrified for what it could mean for BTS. I'm terrified that if I die will you guys be okay and seeing this I think you guys will fall apart. I don't want you guys to fall apart. I want you guys to be okay with each other." Namjoon spoke up before getting up from the sofa and each member tried to help him but Namjoon was stubborn and didn't want to depend on help. 

Namjoon slowly walked to Yoongi's bedroom door and he knocked on it before opening it. Yoongi was staring at the ceiling catching a ball up in the air while lying down. 

"You know Jin baked a mean cake out there." Namjoon engaged with Yoongi but he didn't respond. Namjoon sat down on Yoongi's bed. "Come on Yoongi talk to me." 

"You can pretend all you want Namjoon but I'm not stupid." Yoongi sat up and shook his head. 

"What you mean?" 

"What I mean, is that you can say that you fine but you not fine, you look worse now then before you got sucked into that hospital." 

"It get worse than better. I warned you Yoongi. Now what is this thing between you and Jungkook. You guys are acting like each of you guys have the plague." Namjoon raised an eyebrow. 

"He got you sick." 

"I was going to get sick whether that was the flu or a cold. My immune system is shit now and have been for a long time." Namjoon patted Yoongi's shoulder before heading to his room and he felt tiredness overcome him. Namjoon eyes closed shut. 

Jin headed towards Namjoon room and saw him sleeping. He was cold, Jin pushed the blanket over Namjoon. Jin told the maknae line to turn the down the music since their leader was now sleeping. 

Ever so often Jin or Yoongi would check on Namjoon to make sure he was still breathing. Jin and Yoongi were both scared of losing someone and they knew that was a possibility that could happen meanwhile Jungkook and Jimin wanted to believe he was healthy since he was released from the hospital but Yoongi was a pessimistic to a fault. Yoongi thought it could also mean that the hospital couldn't do anything so they sent him home to die. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always hard seeing someone who was once so strong become weak. Namjoon is stubborn and he comes back to dorm and tries to fix problems. 
> 
> Yoongi right now is trying to distance himself from Namjoon because he has a feeling that Namjoon might die and doesn't want it to hurt when he does die. 
> 
> P.s, I'm going to keep doing time-lapses after I'm done with Week 5, I'm going to move to months. I don't want to make this story to go on forever.


End file.
